April Dew Publishing, a self-publishing service based in Pointe Claire, proudly presents a new book by Ariane Weathers, a bold new take on parenting, Sweet Pea In The Pumpkin Patch – An Adventure In Parenting. The book outlines Ariane’s own adventures as a single parent of a boy who grew up to be a courteous, well-mannered professional young man. The book is based on her personal experience filled with lessons and challenges (including emotional and financial), observations over the last 30 plus years, and things that Ariane has learned along the way. It explains what she did, why she made those decisions, as well as the mistakes she has made. Ariane also recounts some funny stories and throws in a dose of her own wisdom.
The book covers topics from birth through to the time when the child leaves the nest, tackling hot topics such as bullying, divorce, travel and learning to drive. April Dew Publishing firmly believes that, not only first time parents, but all parents of young children could benefit from this book.
188 pages; paperback; $19.95
“When raising a child, I believe it’s wise to listen to some advice, use some common sense, and go with what works for you,” says author Ariane. “At the end of the day, you have to be able to say with confidence that you did, to the best of your ability, the best that you could for your child.”
Excerpt from Chapter 2: Show A Little Respect
One of my biggest beefs with the current generation of children and teenagers is the overwhelming lack of respect. Quite frankly, I don’t believe some even understand the meaning – it’s just another word! Respect, by definition is (n.) esteem, honourable regard, consideration, politeness; (v.) pay attention to, bear in mind, be polite to.
I remember when I was a young child, my parents drilled into us to respect our elders. We were polite, used titles such as mister and missus, didn’t talk back, generally showed common courtesy. And we also learned about self-respect – treat ourselves in a way that would not put ourselves in a bad light. That’s where it begins.
Teaching a child respect is more difficult than teaching manners. Manners is tangible – please, thank-you, you’re welcome, excuse me. It’s obvious when these should be used. Respect is intangible; it’s more of a sense that is developed. That’s why you say, “Earn respect”. I believe everyone should be given respect. Now whether they lose it or gain it back over time is completely up to that individual.
I believe over time, since my parents’ generation, people have lost self-respect and have forgotten what it means. You can’t teach what you don’t know. Or maybe they’ve just gotten lazy and let that lesson slide. That’s unfortunate because it is such an important lesson and helps to build character.
Here are some examples of showing respect:
- Calling an adult mister and miss/missus. No first names until you, yourself are an adult, and only if that person is comfortable with that. An 80 year old man may still request a 20 year old to call him Mr. Smith or Mr. Bob. Oblige the gentleman.
- Offer your seat to an elder or a pregnant lady. They may refuse, but you should at least make the gesture.
- Don’t talk back with rude intent. There is a difference between a discussion, a debate and just being rude.
- Don’t talk ill about someone (put down, belittle, tease), to his face or behind his back.
- Don’t do something that would intentionally hurt someone’s feelings (e.g. cheat on a loved one, lie, bully).
- Follow general rules and regulations (e.g. law, work guidelines, school regulations)
Here are some examples of self-respect:
- Using some examples from above and applying it to yourself, don’t allow anyone to talk down to you, belittle you, bully you, or diminish your value.
- Don’t do something that will make you feel bad about yourself (e.g. doing something when you know it’s wrong).
The concept of respect should be taught at an early age, right from the beginning. The child will follow your examples, but re-enforce it. I mentioned earlier that everyone should receive respect. There is no age limit to this. That means that children should also be given respect. How can you expect to receive it if you don’t give it? It can also be lost, at which point it should be earned again. There are two incidences that I remember where this came into play.
Even at a young age, Alex and I had our schedules for which television shows we would watch. He was given a certain amount of time a day, and those were his show times. I would either watch his shows with him or do something else. One day – Alex was about nine years old – a friend came for a visit. While Alex was watching his show and I was in the kitchen, my friend changed the channel and sat down to watch his program. Alex didn’t say anything, but instead came to see me. I went back to the living-room and mentioned to my friend that this was Alex’s time for his show and that he would have to ask permission to change the channel. Just because Alex was younger, it did not mean that I shouldn’t respect and honour a pre-arranged agreement.